Coping Skills for a New Decade!

Browse through just about any popular magazine or self-help book shelf and you’ll find tons of information about dealing with crisis and stress – especially during these troubled times. Just choosing among all these resources is enough to trigger a stress-headache itself!

Here are some reminders that might help you stay on the right track without wading through an entire library of resources:

1. Stress is an inevitable feature of existence. Our universe is in a continual state of flux or change, change creates stress - and so if you didn’t experience stress in its multiple forms on a daily basis, you wouldn’t even exist!

2. Stress is - basically – any challenge to your sense of “equilibrium,” mental, physical or otherwise. Another way of putting that is that a stressor is anything that causes you to "adapt”- in one way or another – to changing circumstances.

Examples:

• You become ill with a virus feel lousy, and can’t maintain your normal level of activity (physical stressor).
• You are assigned a new project which requires that you master a new computer language (mental stressor.)
• Your partner or spouse decides to switch careers, a decision that has impact on you (emotional stressor.)
  

3. Notice, then, that stress isn’t intrinsically “good” or “bad.” It can be either (or both!) - and what’s important isn’t so much “what happened” but rather how you react to it – and the level of flexibility and resilience you bring to the situation. Charles Darwin (who knew just a little about survival and human evolution!) put it this way: “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.”

4. So – what do you need to increase your flexibility and resilience in a fast-paced 21st century world full of stressors? You need a network of support and resources that help you cope! A back-to-the-land friend of mine puts it this way: you’re going to want a good four-legged stool underneath you every time you milk the cow. Not a two-legged stool – or a three-legged stool…neither one’s stable enough to keep you upright in case the cow decides to kick! So think of your own network of support and resources as your “coping stool” – the thing that keeps you upright and steady when you get kicked around by life’s stressors.

5. Take a look at what each leg of that “coping stool” might represent:

• The first leg could represent your community of friends, family, professional colleagues or other acquaintances, a faith community, a civic organization, etc. (Don’t forget pets, if they’re an important part of your life!) Ask yourself how strong that leg of your stool really is. Who offers you the most support and understanding when the chips are down? Who are you better off avoiding at such times? And then - what can you do to strengthen this particular leg of your coping stool?
• The second leg is your physical well being. How healthy and fit are you? How much sleep do you get? How much regular exercise? How well do you eat? All of these basic things can have a profound effect - not only on how well you cope when you’re feeling stressed, but on helping to keep stress at bay.
• The third leg represents the amount of control you have over your daily life. Do you feel thoroughly overwhelmed by all the responsibilities you face every day? Or – conversely – are you feeling stuck and bored by your particular life situation? You probably won’t be able to control everything in your daily routine, but small changes can add up to creating a less stressful life style for yourself over time.
• The fourth leg is the one so many of us tend to ignore when faced with stressful situations or events – but we do so at our peril. This leg is the one that represents the activities that bring us a sense of accomplishment and/or pleasure in life. Hobbies, going to a concert, soaking in a hot bath, bingo night, cooking for pleasure - the list will differ for each individual - but all such things are essential in helping to maintain a sense of perspective and balance during stressful times.
  

So – take a good, long look at your own coping stool, figure out which leg or legs might be a bit wobbly and could use some strengthening - and then get to work! One small step at a time. Doing this may feel like just one more stressor in the short run, but you’ll end up feeling far more resilient down the road. AND…if even getting started feels like more than you can take on…don’t be afraid to reach out for additional support. That could mean something as simple as putting in a call to CrisisLink some 3 a.m. when you just can’t sleep. Or it may mean making an appointment with a doctor or counselor who can help you strategize other ways of coping more successfully with the stresses that life throws your way. Remember: every journey begins with the first step!

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CrisisLink saves lives and prevents tragedies every day by providing those facing life crises, trauma, and suicide with support, information, and links to community resources. http://www.crisislink.org/.